Friday, November 19, 2010

Bartleby's Tip

"Swimming to Tripoli?!"
Bartleby laughed.
"That would be daft!
Take the giraft!"

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I finally made my great escape
from Kommissarsintown.
I now can look behind me
so i'm slowly calming down.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


Meet Neal–
esophageal music lover.
He soundproofs his bathroom
with an old duvet cover,
then throat sings
like a Tuvan Louvin brother.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Election Runoff

Meet John Boehner.
Orange complainer.
Ochre speaker.
Bathtub stainer.

Friday, October 29, 2010


Full of song

and fond of beer.
The country western gondolier.
His heart's enlarged.
His liver's failin'.
Say a prayer
for "Venice Waylon".

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Cheney Bump

"It's official!" said Dick
with an elfish grin.
"Myself, Liz and Lynne
have made our selection
and hereby announce our endorsement
of the Four Horsemen
in the next election."
"It was an easy call," added Liz,
"not much of a decision.
We do, after all,
share the same vision."

Sunday, June 13, 2010


Those who knew Rasputin
say he appeared even more hirsute
when he wore a mohair suit.

Saturday, June 5, 2010


First, my foot falls asleep,
then I get "coma toes".
One by one like dominoes
that's how it goes
they have no choice.
Lucky for me, though,
they all know my voice.
I speak to them softly
and so does my wife.
Slowly but surely
they come back to life.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Now Michael Jones

Michael Palin
changed his name.
He couldn't bear
the constant shame.
A drastic step
to save his pride.
His other option–

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Gathering detritus in Detroit.
Before I got arthritis
I was so much more adroit
at finding all the hidden spots
abandoned streets
and vacant lots
that I would then exploit.
Gathering detritus in Detroit.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I, Casaba

My head is a melon.
My skull is the rind.
The meat of the fruit
is my beautiful mind.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Gift

The gift from my psychiatrist
was shrink wrapped,
which is, i think, apt.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


This is my buddy from Belgium.
He lives near Bruges
on a farm.
His name is Hugh Jarm.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Salve Psalm

"The ointment of contentment, yea,
is never freely slathered.
Apply it very sparingly,"
the scary preacher blathered.

Chewy Trivia

"I recently discovered
that Alfred Lord Tennyson
ate only venison
with varicose veins.
Very gross, but hilarious",
the heiress explains.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Out of the blue
like a bolt from above,
strange reveries
of forbidden love
are filling Karl Rove
with alarm and unease.
Visions of Paula Zahn
and parmesan cheese.

Glenn Beck

America's favorite
game-show intellectual
rat-faced hero
of the angry ineffectual.
Sowing discord
on a psych-ward chalkboard.
Falling on his talk-sword.
Screaming like a pimp.
A coprophagic imp
sallow and yellowish
like something foul
in a nursing home jello dish
on Fish Friday.
That's his promise-not-to-cry day.

Lance DaBoyle – Patriot

Teabagger Lance
is lost in a trance
while looking askance
at his big stack of food stamps.
"Commies!" he mutters.
"Them Socialist pigs!
They won't let me use 'em
fer whisky and cigs!"

Bachmann Bachmann Overdrive

This fall's hottest new trend –
The Michele Bachmann makeover.
Step one: lose your mind
in a hostile takeover
engineered by a sand flea.
Never crack a book,
you need to keep your hands free
to shake and gesticulate
like a brain-dead banshee.

David Copperfield

The magic is gone,
but the nickname remains.
We all still call him
"Schiffer Brains".

Numb Limb

Rush, as a youth,
was a slovenly nimrod.
He'd score lots of drugs
and get totally "Limbaugh'd".

Zach Elephanakis

The Knowing

If truth be told,
it gives me chills.
I know what killed
the whippoorwills
and caused them all to drop:
T'was the sight of Ann Coulter
in a halter top.


It is

for me

like hell

to be


to see

The Tournament of Roses.

My Permanent Neurosis.

Poem for President's Day 2005

Two Analogies

Bush's beady eyes:
Like a windowsill
with two dead flies.

Cheney's crooked smile:
Like an alligator sleeping
on a garbage pile.

Trent Lott's Old Confederate Recipe

Here's a way to fix yourself
a tasty rebel flag:
Chop it into little pieces.
Boil them in a bag.
Stars and bars are good for you,
so swallow every bite.
Have a second helping,
it's your constitutional right!

Betty C.

Who knew Betty Crocker
was such a dirty talker?
She curses like a sailor
or a loner in a trailer.
I think she was a biker chick
before she was a baker.
I'd like to buy her dinner
but there's nowhere I can take her.

Shakespeare's Quandary

William S. burrows
and furrows
his brow.
He needs to get back
to his agent.
But how?

All True!

Henry Ford adored a gourd.
Lincoln gobbled glue.
Betsy Ross was often sauced
and Robert Frost
had an awesome tattoo.

Papparazzi Poem

Celebrity shooters
in cars
and on scooters



Not So Sure

I'm not so sure
about Tupac Shakur's
"new" CD.
A duet with Kathie Lee?
Why not Sinatra
or Oprah?
Or Tupac and Deepak Chopra
rapping about gangsta yoga?

Double Ode #7

Young Gwyneth Paltry
ever so sultry
dining on poultry
with Old Roger Daltrey.


Fraternity brothers–
those jovial bums,
have mastered the use
of opposable thumbs
to text and send pics
to disposable chums.

A Drawing

No Way!

Remember that Christian punk band –
The Chastity Canons?
Well, as it turns out,
The lead singer – Sid Virtuous
used to go to church with us!

Eddie the Nose